On the Auction Block

I was once on the auction block.
 A slave.
 Weighted down.
 Enchained.
 Afflicted.
 Full of Shame.

 My master, who had once lured me into His trap, had promised me freedom, peace, and a joyful life. He gave me instead a life full of pain, shame and oppression. I was trapped in his grip and unable to escape from his wicked clutches. Though he promised to care for me, all he did was take from me. He took and took and took and took, until I had nothing left to give. I was used up. And now that he had no use for me, he placed me on the auction block, hoping to squeeze one last bit of profit from my existence. As I stood on that block, I heard the words of my Master. “For Sale, one slave woman. Useless and of no account. Sold to the highest bidder.” He grinned a merciless, sly grin as he said these words. It was then that I realized that he had no intention of letting me go. He seemed to find great pleasure in giving me the hope of freedom, and completing dashing away all possibilities of escaping his evil clutches. I sighed a deep, painful sigh. It was a sigh that came from the very pit of my stomach. There was no hope for me. None at all, for of course, no one would purchase me. Why would they?

But a man appeared and said, “I'll buy her.” I saw my Master's look of utter shock and annoyance at the man's proposal. As for me, I was too afraid to hope again. I knew my wicked master would find a way to destroy my hope again. But I did appreciate this valiant man's attempt. For a moment, I felt human again. I felt worthy of love—for just a moment. I tried to hold on to this moment for as long as I could, for it was the only joy I had felt in such a long time. This man wore a Royal Robe, and was obviously of great wealth. Yet, he put on no airs. There was a tenderness about him, a gracefulness in the way he moved and a searching quality in the way he probed the scene. This was no ordinary man. There was something about this man that gave me hope, though I was certain there was no hope. This man intrigued me.

My master responded to this man's offer to buy me, by setting my price at a price no reasonable person would accept. I wasn't surprised. As I said before, he had no intention of letting me go. And yet, this mysterious man responded again, “I'll buy her.” My master decided he would play a game with this noble man. I knew my master well. He was a shrewd businessman and he would not miss the opportunity to profit from this man of great wealth. So he increased the price again, and again the man replied with, “I'll buy her.” Well, obviously even these absurd amounts were nothing compared to this man's great worth. My master greedily continued increasing my selling price, with the full intent of keeping me and swindling this man out of absurd amounts of his fortune.

Finally, my master informed the regal stranger that he would only let me go if someone volunteered to take my place. That was the only payment he would take. Well, that would do it. At this point I knew my master had accomplished his wicked scheme. Who would dare to take my place? My state of affairs was a most pitiful existence. No one would choose my fate for their worse enemy, and because I sensed that this man was of high and noble character, he would not place my fate on any other. But something unexpected happened. It was a strange twist of my fate, and it rocked my world to its very core. The man persisted in pursuing me. He offered His life in exchange for mine. I didn't understand how this royal man could pay such a high price for me. He was of great importance in the world. I was useless, helpless and of no value. The world needed someone like him. I had nothing to offer anyone anymore. The man's offer was ludicrous and I honestly could not allow him to pay such a price for me. Though my life meant nothing, I knew this man didn't deserve my fate. I would accept my fate with the knowledge that there was some good in the world.

As I was pondering these strange and peculiar circumstances, this royal man stood before me. He uttered no words. He only smiled lovingly at me. Tenderly, he embraced me. I distinctly remember feeling such a sensation of joy and peace as I'd never known before. This was love. I wanted to say something to this man, but I could not utter a word. Not even a syllable. I wanted to say thank you. I wanted to say, “Don't do this.” Instead, I sobbed in His arms, and somehow I sensed that he knew. He knew all that I wanted to say. He removed His royal robe and placed it around me. He took the rings from his fingers and placed them on mine. He told me that everything he owned, was now mine. Honestly, I had no idea what this meant. I never owned anything. I had only been “owned”. He told me his servants would take care of me. My mine was in a daze. I was dumbfounded. And just as I had gathered my wits enough to speak, my master's servants snatched this man away from me. They released me from my chains and placed them on this man. This man wore MY CHAINS. This was wrong!!!! No! No! No! No! My mind began to race. My heart felt like it would escape my chest. How could they take this man?

I somehow managed to scream, “Why?!”

He replied, “Because I love you.”

And then they took him away.

So there I was left standing on the auction block, dressed in a royal robe, with rings on my fingers, and servants waiting to respond to my every command. And this royal man was taken to the place of my torment. The place of my shame. I could not understand it all.

 Suddenly the reality of it all began to take shape in my mind.

I was free.

Paid for by the precious life of this Royal and noble man. My life is not my own, I have been purchased at a great price. So I live to honor the One who paid such a high price for me.

Divine Intervention

We're all in desperate need of divine intervention.  When Jesus is interjected into life's circumstances,
we are dramatically changed.
The Real Jesus,
the Jesus with all power and authority,
the Jesus whose life was given to pay the price of ALL my sin,
the Jesus whose love is lavish,
whose compassion is perfect.
The One who is able to Rescue us from our deep, dark, and tangled mess.
The Real Jesus.
Often life is like quick sand,
the more we struggle to get ourselves out,
the deeper we sink.
We need a rescuer.
We need someone to grab our hand and pull us out of the mess we're in,
placing our feet on solid ground.

Jesus is the hand God offers us.

He is the only hope for our rescue from the tangled mess of life.

40 Days of Discovery - Day 13

God speaks in the present tense since He is outside time.  He is always in the present tense since He's ever-present.

I must be so busy following Jesus that I don't have time to worry about all the voices around me telling me how to live.  There are so many gospels being preached--in and out of churches.  These gospels tell me how to live and how to receive a full and satisfying life.  But any other gospel outside of Jesus is a FALSE GOSPEL.

John 4:13 "...whoever drinks the water I (Jesus) give him will never thirst.  Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."  

Only Jesus can satisfies the deepest needs of the human heart. Only Jesus.

Revelation 22:17 says "The Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life.

40 Days of Discovery- Day 3

Today was a day of discovering something old.  The Holy Spirit brought me back to the basics of my life's mission:  sharing the gospel.  Everything should come back to the gospel, right?  If the gospel really is good news, why would I not want to share it?  God has chosen the church, his followers, to be the means by which the mystery of the gospel is revealed.  What an awesome privilege!  God certainly doesn't have to use us.  He's God!  He could have a donkey to proclaim it.  He could write it on a wall.  He could have the birds to sing it.  But He chose people like me.  And I've neglected this great privilege.  Oh, Lord I repent.  Forgive me.

There are people around the world dying because they're sharing the gospel.  They're just that passionate.  They're just that committed.  And I don't want to offend.  Poor excuse.  I was reading an article a month or so ago about a woman and her husband in Iran who prayed EVERYDAY that God would show them who they are supposed to share the gospel with.  Everyday!  And this is in a country that is hostile to Christianity!  What's wrong with me?

So I asked the Spirit this question:  How can I share the gospel in a relevant way?  with creativity, boldly, wisely, lovingly  The gospel message isn't foreign here.  Many have heard it, and tune it out.  I'm asking for fresh creative ways to share the ancient message of truth.  I'm asking for passion, and power to do this great work.  Creativity means nothing if there is no power.  God's power changes people's lives, not my convincing words.

I echo the prayer of the early church when they were under persecution, "Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness. Stretch out your hand to heal and perform miraculous signs and wonders through the name of your holy servant Jesus."  and the response  "After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken.  And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly."  (from Acts 4:29-31)

Here are a few other scriptures that the Spirit gave me as I asked the question:

 Colossians 4  And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. [4] Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. [5] Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. [6] Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

Give me an awareness of the opportunities that you provide me--those doors that you open for the message.  Enable me to proclaim the message clearly and allow my actions confirm my beliefs and bring you honor.

 Matt10: [16] I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.

Holy Spirit, give me practical ideas, a great sense of discernment of people and situations, and intelligence beyond my physical capability so that I am able to speak with sincerity, boldness, and simplicity.  Do this for my children, my husband, and all of your people. Awaken your people to great boldness in proclaiming the gospel.

I do need to give myself some grace, for God has lavished His grace on me.   I tend to be hard on myself.  I have shared the gospel.  I'm just not nearly as committed as I should be. Thank you Holy Spirit for revealing the truth.

40 Days of Discovery- Day 2

Recently, I've been reading two very different books.  One book is a collection of essays and articles written on the "inner spiritual life" or meditative prayer.    I thought the book looked interesting.  I'll be honest, you almost have to have a PhD to read it.  It is a book written by intellectuals to intellectuals--though it continually encourages the reader to engage the heart in prayer rather than the mind.  It takes the most simple concepts and describes them in such complexity that they become unrecognizable.  I am gaining insight into other sides of Christianity-- Eastern Orthodox, and Catholic faith.  It's good to hear other perspectives and see what nuggets of wisdom can be gleamed.  But there is MUCH sifting to be done.  MUCH!  I am honestly most disappointed with the lack of devotion to Jesus.  It's Jesus and...  It's "the Christ" or "the Christ in us" or "the divine is us".  One article even proposed that Jesus came so that we could become God.  There is no gospel message spoken.  If meditation doesn't compel us to "Go and Make disciples..", then Christianity simply becomes one of many paths that one can take to somehow achieve the "divine is us"--as some say. 

On the other hand, I just finished reading Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand(www.persecution.com).  What a powerful and passionate book!.  It talks about the author's experiences in Communist Romania working in the Underground Church and his 14 years in prison being tortured, as well as giving lots of stories of others who have been persecuted for the name Jesus.  What a stark contrast to the other book I've been reading.  This book isn't some theological discussion about higher plans, and such, but a book written about people who have fallen deeply in love with Jesus.  It's plain and simple.  People are going to prison, refusing to renounce their faith, refusing to hate their enemies, and refusing to STOP preaching the gospel.  And the Church continued to grow in spite of the intense persecution they are under.  This book inspires you to support our brothers and sister who are being persecuted around the world through prayer, and financial support.  It's also convicting!  People around the world are excitedly sharing the gospel and publicly declaring their love for Jesus amidst intense opposition! What excuse do I have?

Oh Jesus give me such intense love for you that I long to live in your presence, allowing you to fill me to overflowing that I may be a fountain for a world that is thirsty for your redeeming grace.  Amen.

the blessing of confessing

Recently, the Holy Spirit led me to have a devotional with my kids on how to deal with sin.   So we talked about what happens to us when we sin(or think we've sinned).  We feel ashamed, afraid, guilty...  When we choose to stay in the the dark, rather than coming out into the light and confessing, Satan keeps his finger on us.  His power is strongest in  the darkness.  He tries to keep us hiding--with lies of course.  We hide in so many ways.  By making excuses.  By blaming others. By ignoring our sin. By keeping our sin a secret.  When we refuse to admit our sin, confessing it to God and each other, it hurts us.  We can experience no peace or rest in our hearts.  We live a life of guilt, shame and fear.  We lose our intimacy with God.  That sin creates distance in our relationship.  Not only do we lose intimacy with God, but we lose intimacy with others.  Unconfessed sin can even cause health problems.  If sin continues on unconfessed, it leads to isolation.  Because we're still trying to hide.  It's a downward spiral.  Does that sound like a life you'd like to live? 

But there is a remedy.  God has given us a gift.  It is the gift of forgiveness.   But we can only receive forgiveness if we are willing to confess.  We must come out of the darkness, into the light of truth.  We must call our sin by its name--sin.  We must refuse to compromise, or making excuses for our sin.  Just admit it.  God already knows.  It's amazing what happens when we confess our sins.  The process of healing and restoration begins.   Our hearts can again be filled with peace.   Our intimacy with God is restored.  Our intimacy with others can be restored.  We can live again in community.  Even our physical bodies can experience healing. 

God's forgiveness is total and complete.  He separates our sin as far as the east is from the west.  We are washed completely.  There is no need to continue punishing yourself.  There's no need to continue meditating over that mistake thinking of all the things you could have done differently.  Yes, there may be business that needs to be done.  The Holy Spirit may give you instructions to work toward reconciliation.  He may give you instructions to make restitution.  You will need some accountability in  place to help you in your area of weakness.  But understand, that you're already forgiven. Receive it.  Live like you're forgiven, because God says that you are.  I admit that I really struggle with this.  I have struggled with perfectionism my entire life, so when I fail, I can't let myself "off the hook".  Even after I've gone to God for forgiveness, I continue to punish myself chasing down that sin like a pit bull refusing to let it go.  I'm learning how to live in His grace more and more.

Paul said the more sin increased, the more His grace increases.  That scripture gets under the skin of us rule-keepers, because we think that we're giving people a "license to sin".  But even Paul talks about the foolishness of this line of thinking.  Why would anyone want to sin saying grace will cover it? Why would I want to live in guilt, fear, and shame when I can live free?  It was for freedom, that He set us free!

Lastly, I asked each of my kids if there was some person they trusted enough to confess their sins to.  It's important to have those person's in place before we sin, because it's hard enough to confess without having to add looking for a person we trust.  I now see the value in Catholics going to priests for confession.  What a blessing to have a fairly easy way to go and confess to someone you trust. But confession must go past admitting our sins.  We must also allow others to hold us accountable.  That requires an intimate relationship.


So after having our devotional and praying together, I had the opportunity to experience the blessing of confessing.  One of my children came to me asking if he could speak with me privately.  Of course.  So we went into my bedroom and he proceeded to confess a secret sin.  His heart was so broken over his sin and he felt that he had disappointed me. This may sound crazy, but it what such a joyous moment for me.  I was able to give him the gift of forgiveness and unconditional acceptance.  We sat together and embraced, as he cried.  I told him I loved him and that I totally forgave him.  He prayed and asked God for forgiveness.  Then I told him that he didn't need to think about that anymore.  It was done and over.  He was forgiven.  Now, there was business that needed to be done.  There were some things that I needed to do, so that he wasn't tempted to sin in that way again.  But it wasn't to punish him.  It was to help him.  And amazingly, he gladly received my help.  It actually seemed like a relief to him.  Later that day, I asked him how he felt.  He said he felt much better.

I pray that you may experience the blessing of confessing the next time you sin.

GAL 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

 1JN 1:8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. [9] If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. [10] If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.

 James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

2CH 7:13 "When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain (hmm... sounds like a drought), or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among my people, [14] if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. [15] Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place. [16] I have chosen and consecrated this temple so that my Name may be there forever. My eyes and my heart will always be there.

My Last Bath

One day I decided to have a talk with God.
"Are you really there?"
"Is this Christianity thing real, or
is it something people made up to make weak and incompetent people
feel better about themselves?"
I heard no reply,
but a mirror appeared.
And I saw myself.
I almost threw up!
It was a most disturbing image.
I was FILTHY!
My clothes were full of muck and yuck.
My hair was matted, with dirt, dust and...moving creatures
My teeth...
I cannot describe,
Let's just say I looked like one of those zombies from the movies.
So I did what any self-respecting, intelligent person would do.
I went to clean myself up.
I took a long shower,
washed my hair--using the best products with LOTS of soap.
Put my clothes in the washing machine, then dried them.
And you won't believe this!
I went back to that mirror,
and I looked EXACTLY the same as before!
What the...!
I was puzzled, befuddled, confused, and disturbed.
How could that be?
Perhaps I need to wash multiple times before I would be clean.
Then one appeared before me,
One like a god,
He was overwhelmingly beautiful!
In fact, so beautiful and pure that I immediately felt as I looked,
putrid, ugly--a mess
His beauty took my breath away
and I fell at his feet as though dead.
He spoke.
"Get up"
In my mind, I said, "I can't."  For I could not speak.
He responded as though he could hear my thoughts.
"Yes, you can.  I will strengthen you."
So I stood before Him vulnerably, ashamed of my filth.
So ashamed...
So afraid...
So dishonored...
And yet he spoke to me with such gentleness and love,
with such compassion,
yet with power and GREAT authority.
His words pierced my soul
and went deeper than deep.
He said, "Do you want to be clean?"
"I tried to clean myself," I replied.
"Do you want to be clean?" He said again.
" I was about to take another bath, in fact several baths and wash my..."
He interrupted me and spoke with such power that the earth shook and my soul vibrated with His words.
"Do you want to be clean?!"
At that, I fell to my knees in anguish and managed to conjure up a feeble,
"Yes.  I want to be clean."
He nodded His head and smiled.
He at once removed His glorious robe, leaving his under garments exposed.
He put His hands in a bowl of soapy water which I had not seen before,
grabbed a washcloth and stepped towards me with it.
At once, I stepped back.
"No, I cannot let you..."
He simply looked at me with those compassionate eyes.
"Ok." I said.
"When I clean you, you shall be clean."
And He began to clean me.
He washed my hair.
He removed my clothing and washed every part of me.
This glorious one knelt before me and cleaned my feet.
I had never felt so alive!
I had never felt so loved!
Every touch brought healing.
Every touch brought freedom.

When He had finished washing me, I saw myself in the mirror
and I was not ashamed.
I was cleaner than clean.
I was astonishingly beautiful!
Radiantly beautiful!
Amazingly pure--with no hint of the filth that was once there.
Then he brought me a robe.
It was a robe so pure,
so glorious,
so brilliant
so, so beautiful.
I reached out to take it and he shook His head.
"I must clothe you with my robe.  It is not yours to take, only mine to give."
It was His robe! You know what I was thinking.  I couldn't take His robe!
Again, reading my mind, He said,
"Receive this robe as my gift to you.  I want you to have this gift."
So I bowed my head, letting Him clothe me with His robe.
Truly words cannot explain what my eyes saw when He clothed me in His robe.
My eyes were filled with tears.
I was overcome with joy.
I couldn't speak.
Yet in my gratitude, I knelt before Him and kissed His feet and His hands.
It was then that I saw the scars--
the horrid scars on his hands, His feet, His side.
It startled me for I hadn't seen them before.
Reading my mind, He said,
"Yes, I took these scars so that you can be clean."
"Who are you?"
He replied, " I AM the one who was, and is, and is to come.
I AM the beginning and the end.
I AM the Lamb who takes away the sins of the world.
I AM the King over all Kings.
I AM the All-powerful, Mighty conquering one who delivers.
I AM...
               Jesus."